10 Things we say that do NOT Normalize LGBTQIA+ Community
It occurred to me while speaking to a friend about their journey of coming out of the closet. She said-
“Journey? But I do not feel like I have done something so special that I need to be acknowledged for my journey. While belonging to a community, we just want to be considered normal like all of you. What is so special about it? People asking us about our success stories may sound cool but that does not normalize LGBTQIA+.”
And that was it! They are normal but then why do we think of them as something out of this world?
The truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
Ellen Degeneres
But making it legal makes it normal, right?
I realized no matter how many pride marches we attend, how many instagram hashtags we share showing our support to a community; we can never make them feel supported unless we really mind our words and expressions.
We cannot normalize LGBTQIA+ unless we do not accept the fact they are humans, like anyone of us.
We, as a supportive and liberated society sometimes can cause great harm due to micro-stigmatization. This blog presents 10 statements that not only NOT-normalize the community but how it can take a toll on mental health.
I hope when you finish reading this blog, you will become wiser of the words you say, the questions that you put forward.
The 10 things we say…
1. “It is just a phase”
A moon has a phase but humans do not. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says- “Oh, I will try to be gay today”.
By telling them it is just a phase, you are telling a person that their entire identity is nothing more than a snippet of time, which feels horrible.
2. “Your feelings are not real, you will get over it”
Just because you do not feel the same way does not mean their feelings are not real. Dismissing their feelings as not real can make anyone feel unsupported and lonely.
3. “Just because you cannot find the ideal quality in men, does not mean you are a lesbian/bisexual”
It is okay to be confused about sexual preferences and identity. Nonetheless, humans do not look at just the qualities of a person, it is also about the sexual or romantic attraction, which if you feel to the opposite gender, someone else can feel otherwise too.
4. “I accept you just the way you are, why surgery?”
Many of transgender's experience incongruencies in their assigned gender and what they identify with (Gender dysphoria).
It can majorly impact them to face major difficulties and upsetness at a social and personal level. A person needs to accept their own identity before the conformity of someone else.
5. “Do you think you might have a crush on me?”
Do you go to any random person and ask them- do you like me? Stop making it about yourself and being inconsiderate about personal choices irrespective of their gender identity.
6. “I do not have a problem with it”
Reassuring your support is great but when you say something like “I do not have a problem with it”, it can ultimately make them believe that someone else might not-conform to it.
7. “I support you but I am not gay”
You do not need to belong to a community to support them. This statement stands ambiguous at consideration. It can build a barrier between your genuine support and empathy.
8. “Okay, you are bisexual I understand but why are you not getting married?”
A large number of scientific studies suggest that married people enjoy better health and life, but for a HETEROSEXUAL POPULATION!
Scientifically, bisexuals are less reported happier in marriage than heterosexual, gay or lesbian. They are also attached to a stigma of being indecisive, untrustworthy and unfaithful as romantic partners by many heterosexuals, gay and lesbians.
9. “I totally support you but I won’t be able to accept if my loved one was part of the LGBTQIA+”
Your selective acceptance can cause a bridge between the person you are supporting and yourself. The idea of not supporting someone you love or care about means that you do not genuinely favor the cause of concern.
10. “Trans women/men are men/women but not genetically”
Irrespective of the genetic composition, it is not necessary for a person to always identify with their gender assigned at birth, mentally. NOTE: the term gender refers to the psychological identification that a person attributes to themselves- man or woman.
We play a pivotal role in instilling hope and support in life. Hence, it is important for us to show our immense care and positive outlook when it comes to accepting a person.
It is also important to remember that sexuality is only a part of an individual; a person is more than that. However, we should make sure to not hurt that part of their life that they identify with.
Because, It is okay to be confused, but it is not okay to feel unsupported!
The need of the hour is to normalize LGBTQIA+ in our own small way.
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