Why is Self Love Confusing?

I will start with a disclaimer; Self Love is a conundrum. Why did I begin by such a statement? Because that is a strong part of this concept. It is as important as it is baffling, at least sometimes.

But why is Self Love Confusing?

So, let us begin there. Why is Self Love confusing to explain and much more so to practice? It is because of the notions we attach to it.

“How can I just think of myself?”, “ Am I being mean by putting my interests ahead of my partner or friend?”, “People will think of me as selfish if I take that weekend off for my well being”.

If these sound familiar, you may be suffering from bias to Self Love because of the identity we give it but why is Self Love confusing?

The Journey of Self Love

Self Love is not being “mean” or “narcissistic” or “selfish”. Rather, it is the very opposite. It is being kind to oneself, just as we are or want to be to others. So, first things first, when it comes to Self Love;

1. Don’t Forget Yourself

Your life consists of so many people and areas that it is difficult to count. But is not that the beauty of it all.

You have so many people to rely on, resources to tap into, or avenues to explore. But the agenda of it can be about service to others while taking care of yourself.

Self Love allows you to be insightful and mindful of what you may need at a given moment. If it interferes significantly with helping someone or a more important task then, sure.

Go do that first, But, you return to being kind and caring to YOURSELF too.

2. Think about your Support System

This system starts with our own selves. If we do not respect who we are, do not care for our emotional, physical, and psychological needs, we are in for a mammoth challenge.

Always remember, if you are not happy yourself, how will you spread the joy you so want to. Look around you then.

Do you have individuals who care about your growth, wellbeing, and happiness? If yes, then wonderful. They will understand when you need time for yourself.

Make them a part of those exercises (which we will talk about soon). Who knows, maybe they need to understand Self Love too.

There may also be a few people you realize are not as caring towards you or respectful as others. That is okay too.

If you feel you can build a bridge towards them with an honest and constructive conversation go ahead. However, if you feel that communication will do you more harm than good, let go.

You can take your own path to positive Self Growth and discovery while they can take theirs.

3. Think about your Self Love Habits

Self Love comes from within. It has to come from a stable and robust sense of self. Think of the attitude you keep to yourself.

Think of the thoughts you associate with yourself. We often define ourselves by our mistakes, our shortcomings, or weaknesses.

But do we stop to think what more can we do about it? Life is like a learning curve in many ways.

So, the next time you make a fresh mistake or think of an old one, give yourself the consideration to say “What can I learn from this?”.

Put a constructive and valuable spin on it. Note those learnings and adopt a more healthy approach. Voila!

3. Be Mindful

Being mindful means to take time to notice, understand, and introspect on what a particular moment in the present is about. Self Love is very much like that.

What do you feel at a moment?

What do you understand you need or require?

Being mindful of Self Love can help you be more present, more effective in taking care of your overall health (physical, mental, and psychological).

Being mindful can give you time to understand Self Love better by identifying the areas where you may need to intervene or help with.

Self Love Tool Kit!

1. Start Expressing Yourself

Take a journal to pen down your thoughts on how your day was, pick those shading pencils, and draw how you may feel, pick up a book on Self Care, take up photography, etc.

Take up a constructive outlet that gives you a chance to understand yourself and your needs better.

2. Engage in Using Healthy Terms for Yourself

So, you are not “stupid”, you just learned how to do a task better. You are not “not qualified”, you may need to search how to pursue more experience in your job or take an additional course.

You are not “unaware”, you are still learning. It is absolutely okay to be a work in progress because each and every one of us are!!

3. Do Something Special for Yourself Regularly

Give yourself that outing with friends (when times are safer), grab that board game and sit with your family, paint your own portrait, bake a cake, cook your favorite meal and the list goes on.

Give yourself that love!

Count on your loved ones. Sit with your parents, or friends, or siblings, or extended family. Open up to each other. Self Love is confusing but trust your capacity to love yourself and others.

You have a big heart! It is possible!

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Originally published at Self First.